When You Are Ghosted...
What to do when you are ghosted? If the person you liked a lot and wanted to be with decided to eliminate all the connections and just disappeared from your life?
I think most of the people have been through such situation and it wasn't pleasant. And I don't believe that it is possible to let it go immediately. But there are some things that can make it easier:
1. Compassion and understanding. We don't know what type of experience the other person has been through. Maybe if you had something like he had in the past, you would become a ghoster too. The other thing is that ignoring someone who loves you is actually not very easy. Most of people don't like to hurt others and they feel guilty when they do. And guilt is a heavy feeling. So it's not just you feel bad the person who ghosted you doesn't feel great either. So if he made the decision to do that it means he had his reasons and believed that it was the best solution for everyone. Our ego doesn't let us think about other person's feelings. And it only hurts us more. But when you start thinking about his happiness and what is better for him, it makes it easier for you.
2. Forgiveness. First of all you need to forgive yourself. The problem is that when we are ghosted we start to think that there was something wrong with us. And we had these annoying thoughts of: "What have I done wrong? Why am I so unlucky? What if I wouldn't say this or that?" And our sadness is created by these thoughts more than by the fact of ghosting itself. Just forgive yourself whatever you did. Even if you were acting weird, or if you were annoying sometimes. Nobody is perfect. A lot of decisions our brain makes we cannot control. When you are able to forgive yourself, you will be able to forgive the person who ghosts you. And you will be able to let it go.
3. Acceptance. There are things we cannot change. You cannot force someone to be with you. We all want to be happy and live in peace. And everybody sees this peace their own way. Accept the fact that your loved one is not the part of your life anymore. Don't fight your sadness. The more you fight it - the more energy you give it. Cry if it feels like crying. And remember that time heals all the wounds. Just sit through this pain and feel how it goes away by itself. Nothing is permanent. Bad things, good things in our life come and go. Everything changes.
4. Mindfulness. Being mindful means understanding the real cause of pain. We think that we are hurt by other person when in reality it is mostly lack of our own confidence and self-esteem, and our shame. If you love yourself the way you are, you won't spend hours on questioning yourself of what is wrong with you. And you will not torture yourself with negative thoughts. Ghosting also exposes our fears. If you want to get rid of stress you should face your fears and question them. Is it really so scary to be single? Is it a real danger you need to dedicate part of your brain to? Or it is totally normal and not permanent?
5. Meaning. All the experiences that we have in life are the lessons. People we meet are our teachers. And pain that we are experiencing is the sign that something should be changed and that we need to look at the new opportunities. But please don't get me wrong, by new opportunities I don't mean starting immediately looking for a new partner. It is a great time to listen to yourself, to think of what you want, what you like, to learn how to be emotionally independent. Try to be more focused on your life purpose and dedicate your time to your self-development. A lot of people became successful after they went through tough experience and failures. Pleasures are nice but they don't make us stronger. Pain and failures are much more useful and they will be paid off in future if you use them wisely.
6. Belief. It is very important to trust your life and to believe that everything happens in your highest good. There is a special order for all the events we have in our lives. One thing leads to another. Most of the negative events turn to the positive, but we can see it only in a while. And it's not just about relationships. I remember I was very upset with not getting a job in Finance but now I am thankful for that because I have time to work on my Blog and help others. And this is what I enjoy the most, this is my life purpose. Maybe your relationship destructed you from your life purpose and now you have time to make your dreams come true! Don't judge outcome right after the event took place, give it a time. Be curious, wonder what great surprise life prepared for you after you went through the difficulties. Everything will be fine!
7. Love! Love is the greatest power of all! It will never let you down, it wins all the battles, it gives energy and works miracles! Start with loving yourself, taking care of yourself and your life. Do you want the wonderful You to depend on someone's decisions? Or you love yourself so much that you'll put all the possible efforts to make yourself happy? Happiness is a choice. And if you love yourself you will choose to be happy! And the other thing is that if you truly love your partner, your pure love will win all the anger and disappointment that he gave you by ghosting you. In a while you will remember only good moments and will be able to be grateful for the wonderful time you spent together. When you love someone - love becomes the only thing that left in your heart! It destroys all the negativity and gives you peace and joy!
These things help to think clearly, and to be happy and productive no matter what.
I believe that over the time we build new connections between our neurons and based on these new connections we can look at things differently. Train your brain!
Be Strong And Love Yourself!
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https://www.instagram.com/dasha_besaly/