Get Rid Of Expectations
I heard a lot of times that it is better to have no expectations whatsoever. And I agree with this statement. I think that our expectations are one of the causes of suffering. And if you want to live a happy life you need to learn how to get rid of them. And I am not talking about lowering them, I don't believe in that. When you say "I need to lower my expectations" you don't do anything. Expectations are not the same as your standards. And you should never lower your standards. When I say "Get rid of expectations" I mean to focus on present moment, on the process and not on outcome.
Sometimes I want something and expect it to happen. And in this moment of waiting for something I can feel uncomfortable and experience pain. So how can you improve the situation if the outcome is out of your control?
Here is something that helped me to fight the pain caused by expectations:
1. Pray. "I pray to give up control designed to ensure a certain outcome and to have faith and love!" You can call it prayer, you can call it affirmation, you can even call it reminder. But if you say it often enough in a while your brain will get used to the idea of particular behavior and way of thinking. I absolutely love my little prayer, it brings smile to my face even if things are not going well.
2. Trust Your Life. If you want to let go of expectations, you need to learn how to trust your life. We cannot judge outcome right after it took place. But if you look back at your life, you might find a lot of events that you thought of as horrible but now you are thankful for them. For example, you didn't get a job and were upset but then found a better one. Your boyfriend left you, but later you've met the love of your life! Believe that everything happens in your highest good as long as you listen to yourself and trust your life!
3. Be Adventurous. When you don't know what to expect your life become an adventure! If everything happens the way you planned it can be boring. Replace expectations with curiosity. If you are craving for something and can't get it, you need to find another source of pleasure. So when I expect something I just think of how interesting my life can be if I don't know what to expect. If I get cute surprises from my life, if all of a sudden something great happens! Maybe you are not getting what you want right now, but you can actually get something even better very soon! So what is the point of expectations then?
4. Be Grateful. Write down three thing you are grateful for every day. Train your brain, build positive attitude. Start doing it today, don't wait till something bad happens. Trust me, if you do this simple exercise for few months, you will be able to switch from discomfort caused by the things you don't have to pleasure created by gratitude for the things you do have. It will help you to stay peaceful and be more productive. Instead of thinking again and again when the expected thing will happen you can just enjoy your life. But you do need to train your brain in order to do that. You cannot just become happy all of a sudden if you tell yourself "Be happy". You need to work on that. You need to learn how to scan your day for positive events and how to keep them in your memory.
5. Meditate. Mindfulness helps me to understand the root of discomfort. This is how I know what makes me upset. And as a result I know how to fix it. So this post I am writing because I know that expectations make me unhappy. And I want to find a way how to change the situation. A lot of times we find the reason of discomfort in external things we cannot control. Bring your mind back to the present moment. Be focused on the internal state. Try to imagine how you feel when you are in a happy mode and to experience this emotion even if it is not there yet. Your brain and body know this feeling and should be able to replicate it. And try not to link it to the particular event, just remind yourself how does it feel when you are happy!
6. Act. If you keep yourself busy, you won't have too much time for sitting and waiting for something. You can spend on that 20-30 minutes but not hours or days. It's your life and you have control over it. I would recommend to have few very important goals and build actions around them. And just act, act, act every day. One development goal, one relationships, one volunteering goal, and some goal related to fun (like vacation or some type of adventure). When you have goals in different areas you can switch from one to another when you get stuck with something and give it to the faith for a moment. Once you feel better you can come back to the goal that you were struggling with. Have several different interests and try to be committed to them.
In the end of the day it all depends on how positive you are, how you accept your failures. Do you see an opportunities in stressful situation or you just give up and blame everything and everybody. Grateful people go through tough times easily. So appreciate what you have!
In the pick of difficult moments I find meditation the most useful "pill" but if keeping yourself busy helps you better, then go ahead and act!
Remember, expectations are created by your own body because it gets used to some biochemical activities. So be mindful and don't let your body control your mind and affect your well-being.
Be Strong And Love Yourself!