New Life Will Grow...
I love Sundays! I love to spend this day of the week by myself, to get ready for weekdays, to put myself together. But today's post will be not about my organizing skills, I want to share some thoughts about life that helped me a lot and I hope they will help you. You can watch video on my IGTV where I am talking about today's post by following this link - New Life Will Grow.
I have been watching videos of Brother David Steindl-Rast lately. First time I saw his speech was four years ago, when I took online classes about happiness. Here are the links to the class and to the speech:
His speech made a huge impression on me. What I liked about it the most was the idea that every given moment we get new opportunity. But unfortunately I was so busy with my mind-made problems, that soon I forgot about his great advices.
Spiritual growth is a long process. The same way you grow from a child to an adult physically, it takes time to become an adult mentally. It is not a bad thing to have a child in your heart. But at the same time it is very important to be conscious and to know how to direct your attention to the right places. And in order to do that most of us needs some brain training.
So coming back to Brother David... About three weeks ago I created the list of goals that I wanted to follow in 2019. I will share them with you next Sunday. But I can say now that goal number one for me is to be close to God. I want to surrender my life to Him and try to spend as less time as possible in my mind and be more with God, rather than in my personal judgmental thoughts. It is very important to act on your goals. If you write them down and do nothing, you will never be able to be successful. So I started to think of what can help me to work on my list. And this was the time when I thought of Brother David. I do have other teachers in my list, but it is another story, and I will share it some other time.
I am very grateful that nowadays we have Google, YouTube, Social Media, Internet, and all these things, which can help you to find any information you need. I easily found A Network For Grateful Living YouTube Channel, which has some very useful videos with Brother David. I watch them so I can remember about the idea of Gratefulness.
And couple of days ago I watched another video with Brother David (The Great Fullness Of Life - Brother David Steindl-Rast Interview). I really liked this interview and most of all I liked the idea that when something is destroyed, new life grows out of it. I find a lot of wisdom in this simple phrase. It is so true! But if we forget about this truth, we can suffer.
I cannot complain about my life too much. I haven't lost a lot. But I always had problems in my personal life. I experienced rejection so many times that I cannot even count. But don't get me wrong, I haven't dated a lot of men. My dating experience is actually extremely limited. I avoid meaningless relationships. To me it should be all or nothing. I cannot switch from one man to another. If I am seeing someone, I dedicate myself to my man and stay with him until he leaves me. I am just naturally very loyal, even if there is nothing to be loyal to. I enjoy the feeling of belonging to the man I love. But because of my personality, I managed to be rejected by the same person over and over again. So I know really well how painful it could be.
My biggest problem was inability to let go. I couldn't accept the fact, that the man I wanted to be with so much, didn't want to be with me. I mean my mind could understand it, by my heart... I kept missing this person and I was picturing him with another woman. I had very-very mean thoughts. These thoughts were driving me crazy, I felt like I was living in hell! And the worst part was the fact that I was doing it by myself, it was not like this guy was texting me and reminding me, "Hey, by the way, I don't love you!" He just disappeared from my life completely and it was me who was generating all this pain.
I didn't know how to get rid of this suffering. Every time I heard the story that would remind me somehow about my past relationships, I would get upset. Now I want to emphasize the following statement : "The cause of all problems is mind. If you stop seeing someone it doesn't mean you will stop thinking about him or her. If you want to be happy, you must learn how to ignore your own mean thoughts, how to transcend yourself". Sometimes people think that they can divorce and solve all the problems by doing that. But if you cannot let go the person mentally, if he stays in your head, you will still suffer. You need to get rid of the emotional block you created inside of you. And this is the work that needs to be done by you and only you.
I couldn't do that. But I knew that I needed to keep working on myself, I didn't want to give up.
And this wisdom that Brother David was sharing in his videos did help me! Somehow everything came to the right place. Last Tuesday I was driving home from work, crying and thinking about not having what I wanted. And then I looked at the sky... It was unbelievably beautiful. I realized that I was given so much! And it was an insult to suffer. Seriously. Life is so beautiful, it has so much to offer. I truly believe that suffering is an insult. Not being grateful for what you have and focusing at what you don't have is an insult. And if you act this way, it is your choice. And this is the life that you create for yourself, not the life that God wants you to have. God wants you to be happy, that’s it.
This understanding all of a sudden changed my thoughts completely. I just realized that I should never let myself suffer again. Of course I will have difficulties in life. But I promise myself that I will try my best to be thankful for everything I have and focus on my many blessings!
What really helped me was gratefulness for everything I have and trust. I know that life can fix all the problems for me. And that if something didn't work out, I would get something greater instead. New life will grow!!! Life just knows how to do things. Our mind is limited by our brain. You just cannot know everything, because you have seen such a small portion of the world, such a tiny piece of it. We know so little!
I trust God like a child trusts his loving parent. I know that when I get upset it happens only because I forget that something great is giving to me every single moment! I am able to let go! I am open to the new opportunities! I am free and happy! I trust! I surrender!
If you are going through a tough moment in your life, please remember that it is mind driven, never blame others. And if it is internal it means that you can control it, you can change it by being grateful and trustful!
Be Strong And Love Yourself!
From Dasha With Love!
Love Wins!