How To Make A Change.
Hi everyone! Are you getting ready for Christmas? I am not! I just finished decluttering and I think I am done! :-) I am not even getting a Christmas Tree. Well, I got little ones :-)
New Year is coming also and a lot of people are thinking about resolutions, which means changes. But have you ever noticed that it is not that easy to make a change even if you want to? In my today's post I want to explain why it can be hard and to share some ideas which helped me to make some important changes.
Here is the link to the video for this article: How To Make A Change.
The reason we have a hard time in making changes is driven by the way your brain is wired. We all have neuroconnections which are generated by DNA, experiences and things like that. And these connections help you to create stories in your mind. Based on these stories you make your decisions and take actions. If you want to change your life, you need to change your actions, which means you need to re-write your stories, or in other words, get rid of old neuroconnections that do not serve you, and create new ones. So if you think about it, you have to put efforts which will lead you to changes in your brain. And without these efforts of rewiring your brain you will not be able to change your life.
Here are few things which helped me a lot:
1. Mindfulness Exercise. Some people call it meditation, I like to think of it as of brain training. The idea is to focus on your breath and start noticing how new thoughts are arising, how you generate your stories, how you switch from one emotion to another; and then after you notice all these things in your head, you bringing your attention back to your breath over and over again. You can find more details in my article - Easy Meditation Technique. The more often you do this exercise, the easier it will be for you to control your own mind. And this way you can learn how to ignore thoughts or emotions which do not serve you. You will be able to take your attention out of them and as a result make the connections between neurons weaker and weaker. And you will think about stuff that you don't need less and less. You cannot completely get rid of negative thoughts, but you definately can take control over them. A lot of actions we take unconsciously and get into troubles. With mindfulness exercise you become more conscious, which helps to stop the pattern.
2. Small Tasks. Give yourself small tasks for the day the night before. If you are in the beginning of your journey, make these tasks super simple. For example: read one page of a book, clean one shelf, take a walk around a house. But remember, you must complete the task! You MUST!!! Otherwise, there is no point in this exercise. This activity will help you to train yourself to do what you are supposed to do instead of just doing something unconsciously, it can help you to develop new good habits and replace old bad ones. It helps you to focus on something specific. And you can build up your tasks and in a while you can change your whole schedule and become super organized and productive. I learned this idea from Brian Tracy and I must say that this was the best advice I ever got! I swear it changed my life! Here is the link to his video - Tips to Structure Your Day.
3. Stop. There are some things that you just need to stop doing. If you see that you have in your life something that obviously doesn't serve you, just stop it, no matter how hard it is. Maybe you won't be able to stop right away, but you must keep trying. You must get rid of things that make your life unhealthy. It is very important! Be very honest with yourself. Identify bad habits without judgements and just stop. I know it sounds cheesy, but you can do it, you really can!
4. No Labels. Don't put a label on yourself. Don't call yourself a loser, an alcoholic, not worthy, etc. This is not who you are. You are precious, you have a gift that you can give to this world, you have potential. No matter where you are in your life right now, you can change everything and become very strong and successful and help other people. But if you give yourself a label of a loser, you just will take away trust from yourself. And without this trust it will be very hard to change. You will be just too focused on how bad you are. Instead, you need to identify bad habits that you have and fight against them, not against yourself. It is very important to admit your weaknesses, this is how we become stronger. But never-ever say mean things about yourself, NEVER! Always be kind to yourself and support yourself.
5. Focus On Yourself. The biggest mistake you can do is trying to change another person, instead of working on yourself. It doesn't mean that you cannot share your knowledge and experience with someone who ask you for advice. But you should not force other person to be the way you want him to be. You have no rights to do that, and you have no power. You can probably use manipulations for a while, but it never works for a long period of time and you will end up wasting your time and probably hurting other person. On other hand, if you focus on yourself you always win, because in this case you are the one who becomes stronger. You move forward, you get new knowledge, you work on your weaknesses. And if someone didn't want to grow with you, it is his problem. Eventually you will be surrounded by people who have the same values and goals. If you want to win - focus on yourself.
Changes are hard, but they can be very useful. Please remember, that you deserve the best for yourself. There should be no compromises. And you can only create a good life by working hard, working hard on yourself, on writing your amazing story!
Be Strong And Love Yourself!
From Dasha With Love!
Love Wins!