Rejection

Hello my friends! I hope you are doing well! I have a lot going on, but it's a good thing, I am thankful for that. I welcome any experience I have and I want to learn from it.

Today I want to talk about rejection. I have been rejected millions of times and I know how painful it is. I have a lot of compassion towards people who got rejected. Most of us know this pain and I hope that we will be kind and understanding to each other.

Here is the link to the video for today's article - Rejection.

Rejection hurts. When I say it, I don't mean just some philosophical metaphorical ideas. According to studies, when we get rejected, we activate the same part of the brain that gets activated when we experience physical pain. Here is the link to the article with the details, if you want to know more about the study - Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI Study of Social Exclusion. So for your brain there is technically no difference between social rejection and broken arm. When we go through break-up sometimes we can hear something like, "It is not a big deal, why are you so upset?" Well you do have the right to be upset. And you do have the right to spend some time on healing. Like with example of broken arm, no one will tell you go and use it right away. The same way with broken heart. You need to take care of yourself, give yourself some time to heal. Please don't be hard on yourself, and try to surround yourself with people who can understand you.

I also wanted to say that even thou we experience pain when we get rejected, it doesn't mean that rejection has bad consequences. I want to share two examples from my personal life when rejection turned out to be a good thing.

Rejection at work. About 15 years ago I worked for one American company in Moscow, Russia. And we acquired another European company. Because of this acquisition a new manager role was created. I was very experienced, General Manager and Commercial Director valued me a lot, and I was sure that I would get this role. There was no one better than me. But our Finance Director was pretty new, he didn't know me well and he decided to give this role to the lady from the company we acquired. When he told me about it, that she got this role and she will be my new manager, I felt like I was punched in a face. Next day I went on vacation to Miami, I planned this trip a while ago. And I still remember how I woke up at 5am in Miami Hotel and cried. I felt really bad. But then I put myself together and decided that this event should not ruin my vacation. I wasn't using my cell phone, when I got back I checked my voicemail and I found out that my former manager, who worked at that time in another company, called me and offered me another job! I went on interviews which were more technical, I already knew that they will give me this job. And in couple of months I started to work for another company under my favorite manager! My new role had a lot of interaction with offices in Zurich and Dublin, and I lead the project where I got visibility of high level management in different countries besides Russia. I had opportunity to prove myself and they all were very happy with the work that I've done. So when I got my green card and moved to US, I got a new job right away in the same company, because I had great recommendations from Moscow, Dublin and Zurich. And my project helped me to build good reputation within the company. So as you can see, even thou I felt a lot of pain when I got rejected, it all worked out really well!

Rejection in relationships. When I was about 19-20 years old I liked one guy in college. We never dated, I was just stupid enough to chase him. I even bought him a gift one time ha-ha. At some point he told me that we needed to talk. And he said something like, "Hey Dasha, I know you like me, but I am not interested in you. To be honest, I want to be with someone more elegant, more sophisticated. Please don't chase me anymore, don't waste your time". I thanked him for being honest and went home. Once I got to my room I just started crying like crazy! My older sister came to me and tried to figure out what happened, "Dasha, did someone hurt you? Parents are worried. What happened?" I took few breathes and finally said, "Oh, it's this guy I liked, remember I told you about him? The one I got into car accident with couple of weeks ago. He told me that he doesn't like me". And I continued to cry. My sister said, "Thanks God, I thought that something horrible happened". And then she let my parents know what happened. I got over this guy pretty fast. I was young, and we were not in relationships. But there is something funny about this whole rejection story. 16 or 17 years later a had a chance to talk to this guy. He was sitting in the restaurant in Moscow with one friend of mine who knew my US cell phone number. We had a lot of friends in common in college and I kept in touch with one of them. So they called me via FaceTime. I picked up a phone and saw on the screen this guy who rejected me. I knew that they will be calling, they texted me before that. And you know what? This guy didn't look that great! But he said, "Oh Dasha, you look so gorgeous! So nice to see you! You were one of the most beautiful women in our college". I was surprised that he said that. And at the same time I was very happy that he rejected me! I am so thankful that everything happened the way it happened.

I also want to share one philosophical story about self-worth. One day a boy came to his father and asked, "What is my worth?" and his dad told him, "Take this stone son and try to sell it on the market, but don't really sell it. And if someone asks you for the price of the stone, just show them two fingers, but don't say any number". The boy listened to his dad and went to the market. One old lady asked him about the price of the stone, he raised two fingers and she replied, "Two dollars? Okay, I'll buy it". The boy got back to his father and told him that he almost sold the stone for $2. Then his father told him to go to the museum and offer the stone over there, and again just show two fingers instead of telling them the price. In the museum they saw the stone and boy has shown two fingers when they asked about the price. And they replied, "Oh, $20,000, okay we can pay that, it's an interesting stone, it is worth it". The boy ran home and shared good news with father. But father told him to go to a precious stone store this time and offer the stone again without telling the price. So the boy did what his dad told him to do. The owner of the precious stones store asked for the price, the boy raised two fingers and the store owner said, "$200,000? Well, I'll buy it, it is an amazing unique stone, this price makes sense". The moral of this story is that different people will value you differently. There will be people who don't see your true worth and people who believe in you, who can see your diamond inside of you. And it is better to surround yourself with people who know your worth. And we also should help each other to see these diamonds that we have, you can help others to love themselves more and to value themselves by offering your love and compassion.

This is kind of it for today. In the end I just want to sum up my ideas. Please accept the fact that rejection hurts, but remember that your prefrontal cortex can reduce the activity of anterior cingulate cortex and as a result, reduce pain. Rejection that looks like the end of the world today, can turn into great opportunity later. Try to be with people who know your value and believe in yourself! Use your potential!

Be Strong And Love Yourself!

From Dasha With Love!

Love Wins!