The Beauty Effect

Hi my darlings! I hope you are doing well! Me, I just can’t wait for summer! I even started to think about moving to Florida or Texas. This winter was way too long. It is May 8th and still cold in Chicago. Anyway, this is not what I wanted to share today.

Here is the link to the video for today’s post: The Beauty Effect.

Today I wanted to share with you the role that beauty plays in my life. I decided to bring this subject, because the idea of looking good creates a lot of discomfort in my life. And I hope if I disclose my issues, it will help you to understand if you have something similar and how you can stay peaceful and be friends with your own thoughts.

I always wanted to be beautiful, even when I was about three years old. I cared a lot about my clothes, the shoes that I was wearing, the postures I was taking. I remember my grandpa bought me beautiful red shoes with the bows, I loved them so much! I was so happy when I was wearing them. He also got me super cool boots with heels (yes, my darlings, I had boots with heels when I was a little child). The heels were about 1 inch, not high obviously, but when I was walking in these heels, I could hear them making a sound that adult’s boots would make, and I was so proud of myself that when I walked, I had this “heels sound”. Sometimes we used to take a train to visit my aunt. And I liked to look at people around me and think of what part of their wardrobe I would like to wear. I usually ended up thinking that my mom had the best outfit. She was very beautiful by the way. But my mom used to say, “Don’t spend too much time in front of the mirror, outrer beauty is not important. The most important is what you have inside”. She tried to help me and to switch my focus, but it didn’t work unfortunately. So now in my 40s I still like to check how I look in a mirror, I still like nice shoes and I still want to be beautiful. But for some reason I always see flaws in me. I don’t see the flaws in other people, but I don’t like the way I look most of the time. And I can get upset because of that. But if I look good for whatever reason, I become so happy! Like a child, who got an ice cream. So in general my mood depends a lot on how beautiful from my point of view I am.

I also am a little bit addicted to beauty in other people. I like to look at some actresses or models, to watch their videos, it triggers something in my brain and I get pleasure. I am not interested in women as romantic partners, but I do like the female beauty itself.

The worst part is the way I think of handsome men. I get so addicted if I meet the guy who is very good-looking from my point of you. And I feel awkward around handsome men. I have one co-worker, who is very handsome, and I am so intimidated by his look, that I even hate to send him emails about work. I always think of attractive men as of some special people who would want to talk to me.

I think that we unconsciously create some type of hierarchy in our heads based on our values. And we rank people based on these values. So if someone value money or career, they will rank higher some rich people. If someone cares a lot about kindness, they would rank people based on their good deeds. And for whatever reason my brain likes beauty.

But I must say, that impression created by the look is very short-term, it doesn’t last. And on other hand, strong character is the most important part of attractiveness from my point of view. You can meet someone who doesn’t look like a model, but has a charisma, and you can fall in love with his confidence and intellect. And you can meet someone super beautiful, but if the person is not nice, the look won’t help. So even thou I value beauty a lot, this value is very fleeting.

But I still spend a lot of time and money on my look, trying to look pretty. And I still get worried if I don’t look nice from my point of view. And the fact that I get older and lose some of my beauty, makes me stressed sometimes. And I must say I don’t think of myself as of beautiful woman, I don’t think that I am gifted in this area, I do believe that I am cute, but not beautiful. And with age I am afraid to lose even my cuteness.

So this is how I am, this is my little problem. But what do I do about it? Well, first of all, I think it is very important to accept yourself the way you are. And I don’t mean just to accept your look. I mean, accept your mean thoughts. Yes, sometimes I think bad things about myself, and I misvalue myself and I put other people on the piédestal because of wrong reasons, but this is part of my personality. I cannot get rid of these thoughts completely. I need to recognize them, notice them and accept them. And if I don’t try to fight my silly thoughts, if I understand that they are just part of my human nature, I don’t waste to much energy on them.

But I made a rule for myself, that my health and my budget should be a priority. And then I can take care of beauty. So I don’t do any procedures that can harm my health, and I never spend more than I can afford. I do spend a big portion of my income on beauty, but not to the extent where I have to borrow money, use credit cards, don’t have enough to pay my bills, etc. This way I kind of take care of my health and budget and at the same time I satisfy my silly part, a part of me, that cares only about look, ha-ha.

Let me sum up, what I shared:

1. I get pleasure by looking at beautiful people

2. It is hard for me to interact with handsome guys, I always think that they are too good for me

3. I care about my look a lot, my mood depends on it

4. Beauty is fleeting and what is inside is more important

5. Health and budget should be a priority over the desire to look good

I hope this information was helpful. It doesn’t matter how you look as long as you love yourself!

Be Strong And Love Yourself!

From Dasha With Love!

Love Wins!

here are some of my photos which helped me to feel beautiful, ha-ha